A Very Chav-y Christmas

The Evening Standard reports:

A SCHOOL has created a "Chav Nativity" play containing alcopops, Jesus turning water into lager and Mary labelled a "slapper". . . In it Mary tells the Archangel Gabriel to "stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper" when he informs her she is expecting a child, before her cousin Liz encourages her to go through with the pregnancy because of the "extra benefits".

Instead of a stable, Mary and Joseph break into a garridge (sic) where the Three Wise Men or "these free geezers", as they are known, come bearing gifts only to have Joseph reprimand them for not bringing Adidas and Burberry instead of "Frankenstein an' myrrh".

Students studied the play set in "Beflehem" in drama lessons focused on use of language, but of course, some parents have objected. Seems they're concerned about the school condoning improper speaking. I think they need to lighten-up and focus on something important.

You can read an extract of the play in the article here. My favourite line: Gabriel says to Mary, "You got one up the duff, you have."

This is really brilliant. I wish I were clever enough to write stuff like this.