So, in an exercise of shameless self-indulgence, here are my answers if the Guardian were to ask me:
Q&A with Parvenu in the City
Parvenu in the City, a little-known pusillanimous egocentric, is an American living in London way out of his economic and social league. When not skulking around airport lounges, he spends much of his time thinking up creative ways to waste time, scribbling incoherent prose, and insulting small children.What is your greatest fear?
Confinement.
What is your earliest memory?
Discovering hidden Christmas presents (before Christmas) when I was a toddler.
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
Paul Krugman. He is one of the few journalists who has consistently demonstrated the courage to tell the truth, however unpopular that truth may be.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Laziness and envy.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Fundamentalism (of all persuasions).
Your most embarrassing moment?
There are far too many embarrassing moments to mention, most involving a wee bit of drink.
Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you have ever bought?
Turkish rugs from Istanbul
What is your most treasured possession?
Three beautiful tortoiseshell cats, although in truth they actually possess me.
Where would you like to live?
I would like to spend some time living in California.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I am too fat.
Would you rather be clever and ugly, or thick and attractive?
Thick and attractive.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Jason Alexander.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Interrupting people.
What is your favourite word?
Schadenfreude.
What is your favourite book?
The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri (OK, you've got me). Truthfully, I have enjoyed so many of the books that I have read that I cannot say any is the favourite. Of the books I've read recently, The Savage Garden by Mark Mills and Brick Lane by Monica Ali particularly stand out.
What is your fancy dress costume of choice?
Gorilla suit.
Tell us a joke.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
I’ve repressed all memories of people saying bad things to me (although people do frequently tell me to f--- off).
Cat or dog?
Cat.
Is it better to give or to receive?
Receive.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Schadenfreude.
What do you owe your parents?
Everything.
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To most of the people involved in the endless list of embarrassing moments.
What does love feel like?
Delirium.
Which living person do you most despise, and why?
George Bush. He's done his best to ruin America. Luckily we're resilient.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"How hard can it be?"
What is the worst job you have ever done?
Picking up litter in parking lots. (British translation: picking up litter in car parks.)
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
Ancient Greece to the time of the philosophers.
When did you last cry, and why?
Last weekend, watching a Disney movie.
How do you relax?
Reading and watching hours of crap television.
What keeps you awake at night?
Reading and watching hours of crap television.
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Karl Marx, Adam Smith, Mahatma Gandhi and John Maynard Keynes.
What song would you like played at your funeral?
I do not want a funeral.
How would you like to be remembered?
"I guess he wasn't a total asshole."
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
You can achieve anything.
When were you the happiest?
Now!
Where would you most like to be right now?
Having lunch on the Gritti Palace terrace overlooking the Grand Canal.
Tell us a secret.
I'm thinking about thinking about writing a book.
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