Pork Products

Former Mystery Science Theater 3000 writer and host Mike Nelson is trying an all-bacon diet, although he says he "will allow non-bacon fluids such as beer, wine, martinis and water" to prevent dehydration.

Sounds like this would go well with McNuggetinis, although they're probably not allowed, as I guess a McNugget is technically not bacon.

How about a bacontini?

(Picture from Just Add Bacon.com)

The McNuggetini

I have stumbled upon what is sure to become a taste sensation: the McNuggetini.

This fantastic drinky-poo features chocolate milkshake, vanilla vodka, barbeque sauce and, of course, McDonald's Chicken McNuggets.

It will allow you to satisfy your trailer-park-urges to get drunk and eat junk food under the cover of stylish urban sophistication. It's genius.

Here's the recipe from the blog This Recording:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don’t tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass.

Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).

Yummmm!

(Picture from This Recording)

Skid Marks and More

Apparently, hygiene trumps tradition in the kilt-hire business.

The Scotsman reports that companies who rent out kilts increasingly require their customers wear underwear with their kilts, which goes against long-standing Scots tradition. According to the article:

The companies have introduced the clause because of the habit of some men to return extremely soiled garments. While the firms dry clean the garments before they are hired out again, some kilts are so dirty they are unhygienic for staff to handle.

Although I have never considered hiring a kilt to wear, after reading this, I surely will not!

Late Nights and Early Mornings

One thing I especially enjoy about getting out early on Sunday mornings is occasionally seeing those who have spent the night sleeping in somebody else's bed (or not slept at all) struggle to get home inconspicuously.

Most amusing are the women in flashy faux-designer dresses with smeared make-up and bed-head desperately trying to maintain some degree of dignity while stumbling down the stairs to the tube at 7.30 am.

Ah, life in the city!

Winter!

I awoke this morning to find that a cruel northeast wind from Russia had delivered six inches of snow to central London. And it's still snowing. Yikes!

This is by far the most snow I have seen in my eight winters here, and the city does not cope so well. Railways and buses have stopped running, airports have closed and the tube service has been severely curtailed.

In the American mid-west, where I grew up, we'd shrug off a six-inch snowfall as a non-event - a blanket of snow usually covers the ground from December through February. When it happens only once every ten years, however, I can see how it causes such disruption.

Pictures Via Sky News

One thing for sure, I'm liking it less and less.

Next Stop Pottersville

Thanks to Frank Rich, I now know what I found so creepy about seeing Dick Cheney in that wheelchair. He's Mr. Potter from "It's a Wonderful Life." I can't believe I never noticed it before.

No More False Choices

In one of the most telling lines in his inaugural address, Barack Obama implicitly denounced restricting civil liberties in the name of national security, saying he would “reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.”

This both exposes and marks a big departure from the Bush-Cheney approach, which consistently presented Americans with false choices in order to further their flawed and dangerous political agenda.

Security or freedom, stay in Iraq forever or "cut and run" like cowards, free markets or crippling regulation, privatised social security or a bankrupt government, economic prosperity or responsible environmental policies. We could have one or the other, never both or never an alternative.

It's hard to believe after eight years of living with a lying, misleading and untrustworthy government, but it looks like the people in charge now respect us enough to tell the truth. Plus, they actually seem to have an interest in governing effectively, rather then simply pursuing policy to achieve political gain!

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

Barry couldn't get him out of town fast enough.

I wonder what they'll do with Dick Cheney?

A New Dawn

The world wakes up to a renewed America today.

(Picture Via NY Times)

Now the hard work in Washington really begins, as everyone now realises how much damage the Bush years did to both America and the world.

I listened to the inaugural address, and while the new President gave a generally strong performance said all the right things, I wouldn't call it a stirring speech. It really did not hit me emotionally - he's no Bill Clinton in that respect. Nonetheless, the country does not need a great orator, it needs a strong leader, and by all indications, that's what we've got.

I'm still having a hard time with the whole spirit of cooperation thing that Obama's pushing. Intellectually I realise that consensus and non-partisanship provides the surest path to success for the Obama agenda, and therefore support it wholeheartedly. Emotionally, however, I want sweet revenge on all Republicans and anyone who had anything to do with the Bush years and their destructive policies, divisiveness and fear-mongering.

Fortunately, we've got this guy!

Resolutions (Belated)

I gave up making New Year's resolutions many years ago, mainly because I found them impossible to keep. Nonetheless, I periodically try to make changes in my life that I hope will improve it, and the beginning of the new year seems as good a time as any.

Not resolutions exactly, but here's my top ten list for 2009:

1. Procrastinate only when appropriate
   
2. Spend more time in sunny places (with appropriate sunblock of course)
3. Write
   
4. Talk less and take more action (thanks Elvis)
   
5. Listen to new music
6. Watch more films
7. Stop complaining
   
8. No drama (like Obama)
9. Lose thirty pounds (two stone and a bit)
10. Make more money (need to work a little on the details of this)

Any other suggestions?

Too Cold

This week is shaping up to be an especially cold one in London. Fortunately, at least we've had some sunshine to go with the frigid temperatures instead of the usual dreary cloud and rain (although we've had some of that too!).

The older I get, the less I appreciate cold, wet and grey days, and I now detest snow of any sort (no matter what Jeffrey says). Maybe the eight London winters have started to take their toll. Or perhaps my recent visits to California, however infrequent and brief, have made me realise how nice it could be to live with beautiful weather.

Whatever the reason, I've been daydreaming of warm sunshine a lot this week.

Perhaps it's time for another trip?

Too Cool

I know that I've said I'm too sophisticated to care about seeing celebrities (and I am), but you may want to know that I have been in close proximity to a few well-known personalities in the past few months.

I sat near Jude Law in an airport lounge, stood behind Paul McCartney in the security queue at Heathrow (yes, they made him queue and even frisked him) and sat across the aisle from Orlando Bloom on a flight.

Of course I did not take pictures or acknowledge them in any way. I'm way too cool for that.

Last Call

UK's Metro tells of a pub landlord who, after spending his whole life in the pub where he was born, decided he wanted to spend eternity there as well.

The article explains:

The 83-year-old's last order was that his ashes were laid beneath the flagstone floor of the pub. His final resting place is now under a plaque reading "Stand here and have a drink on me."

A fitting end!

Rick Roll

Have you been Rick Roll'd yet?

Once again, I'm incredibly behind the curve. I just just found out about this popular internet meme that has been going on for some time now. Even more embarrassingly, until I heard about the Rick Roll, I didn't even know what a meme was.

As this article in the Guardian explains:

It's called the "rick-roll". You're innocently browsing an apparently useful website and see a link to something else that might be of interest, but when you click through to that destination you instead find yourself confronted with Astley's boyish smile, his manly croon, his awkward 1987 dance-moves.

The link was a fake, a trap, a dummy with the nefarious purpose of...bringing you face-to-face with the ridiculous.

You can find out more about this phenomenon here.

Merry Christmas

Calfornia Christmas

Goodbye clouds and rain!

Today I'm leaving for California. Normally, I spend Christmas in the cold, snowy Midwest, but this year my extended family and I will impose ourselves on relatives in Monterey County. It's not the warm sunshine of Los Angeles, but it will still be pretty nice.

And hey, it sure beats the usual.

It’s a Pitiful, Dreadful Life

Since I first watched the film sometime in my early teens, I've been a great fan of Frank Capra's "It's A Wonderful Life" starring James Stewart and Donna Reed. For those who have never seen it, Stewart plays George Baily, a frustrated small-town businessman with unfulfilled dreams.

When faced with financial ruin, George attempts suicide, thinking that the world would be better off if he'd never been born. Fortunately, his guardian angel saves him from death and shows him what the world would look like if indeed he had never been born, causing George to appreciate how full and important his life has actually been.

This is truly a brilliant film and, although a bit schmaltzy, never fails to entertain and lift my spirits, even after twenty or thirty viewings. At least that's what I always thought.

Wendell Jamieson in the New York Times posits a different take on the film. He says:

“It’s a Wonderful Life” is a terrifying, asphyxiating story about growing up and relinquishing your dreams, of seeing your father driven to the grave before his time, of living among bitter, small-minded people. It is a story of being trapped, of compromising, of watching others move ahead and away, of becoming so filled with rage that you verbally abuse your children, their teacher and your oppressively perfect wife. It is also a nightmare account of an endless home renovation.

I must admit he's right. I should have realised this earlier, especially as my favourite line in the film is when George says to Mary: "You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids!" And surely anyone can see that alternate-world Pottersville is a much more fun and exciting place than exceedingly dull (film) real-life Bedford Falls.

Maybe the real message of the film is "Sure, life sucks, but it's all you've got, so make the best of it!"

Not that it matters. I still love this film and can't wait to see it again!

Speed Racer

UK's Metro reports that a man in Cleveland has been fined for driving his motorised sofa to a Browns game. It seems the sofa's owner usually just drives his "go-kouch" around the parking lot during the pre-game tailgate parties, but this time he decided to drive it down the street to the stadium.

He encountered problems when a police officer cited him for driving an unregistered vehicle and having expired license plates. Kill-joy! Although I think he should have got credit for even having license plates at all, expired or not.

Here's the video:



Of course, this is far from the worst driving offence I've seen reported. I especially like the story of the Estonian man arrested twice by police. CNN reported a police spokeswoman as saying, "We arrested the same blind man driving his car again on Saturday. . . He was drunk."

Presented Without Comment

(thanks to WhatCrisciLikes)

$50 Billion Pyramid

In these times when institutions and individuals have lost billions by over-leveraged investing in complex financial derivatives, it's interesting to see that some people still manage to lose money the old-fashioned way--in a pyramid scheme.

When federal agents arrested Bernard Madoff in New York last week, it brought an end to what may be the largest fraud scheme in Wall Street history in which investors may have lost up to $50 billion.

In the same vein, I've since learned about an even more unsophisticated way to lose money: a ponzi crawl.

The Urban Dictionary defines a ponzi crawl as:

A pub crawl that adds a new person to buy a round at each location. Each new person is promised that they will get free drinks at all the future bars if they buy this round. Obviously, whoever joins the ponzi crawl last gets screwed!

Let's get some suckers to buy us beer on a ponzi crawl this weekend.

While increasingly complex and sophisticated ways to swindle people out of money will continue to emerge, the tried and true remain steadfastly reliable.